this is the best song i have ever heard. i can't wait to see them in august. this will probably be the most meaningful show of my life, so far. he is fucking brilliant. this song is how i feel about life right now, on good days, and sometimes for brief moments on the bad ones.
"The rain, it started tapping on the window near my bed. There was a loophole in my dreaming,
so I got out of it. And to my surprise my eyes were wide and already open.
Just my nightstand and my dresser where those nightmares had just been.
So I dressed myself and left then, out into the gray streets.
But everything seemed different and completely new to me.
The sky, the trees, houses, buildings, even my own body.
And each person I encountered, I couldn't wait to meet.
I came upon a doctor who appeared in quite poor health.
I said "There is nothing I can do for you that you can't do for yourself."
He said "Oh yes you can. Just hold my hand. I think that would help."
So I sat with him a while and then I asked him how he felt.
He said, "I think I'm cured. No, in fact, I'm sure.
Thank you stranger, for your therapeutic smile."
So that is how I learned the lesson that everyone is alone.
And your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow.
But when crying don't help and you can't compose yourself.
It is best to compose a poem, an honest verse of longing or simple song of hope.
That is why I'm singing...
Baby don't worry cause now I got your back. And every time you feel like crying,
I'm gonna try and make you laugh. And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad,
then we will wait for it to pass and I will keep you company
through those days so long and black.
And we'll keep working on the problem we know we'll never solve
Of Love's uneven remainders, our lives are fractions of a whole.
But if the world could remain within a frame like a painting on a wall.
Then I think we would see the beauty.
Then we would stand staring in awe at our still lives posed like a bowl of oranges,
like a story told by the fault lines and the soil."
i'm sitting in the bakery across the street from my house right now. i'm using their internet connection because ours is fucked up again for some reason. hiding my bad haircut under a hat given as a gift. it's the only hat i have that is not a winter hat. coincidentally i am also wearing black nail polish and black clothes. hah. sometimes at times like this i realize that people's perception of me is probably far from who i really am. and then i think about who they might be, what my perception of them is, and who they might really be. they are all older and i think about who they might have been in their youth. i wonder about their stories. i see a man in a red polo shirt. he looks upper middle class. he might be polish, i'm not too sure, never been too good at figuring that sorta thing out. i think to myself that, from these simple and possibly incorrect observations, that i can tell other things about him. but i can't. maybe he was a drug dealer in his youth, maybe he is gay, maybe he fell in love with a girl and she died when they were young and he works a lot to forget about her. maybe he genuinely likes art and not just because that's a popular thing for someone is his (imagined) social class to have interest in. maybe he wants to leave his wife for someone he is really in love with. maybe he has no wife and it's his sister sitting beside him. i don't know. i wonder if these type of thoughts are weird or if other people do this sorta thing too.
they should. i think it's good to break down the thoughts you have about strangers and place other possibilities in their stead. it makes you think/feel about other people, even strangers, the way you think/feel about yourself.
i watched hedwig and the angry inch last night. one of my favorite movies ever. i decided i am still going to do the tattoo of the two humans connected at the back on my leg. the idea makes sense. i'd rather have romantic ideas that isolate me than to have jaded ones.
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